saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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