I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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