i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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