ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
