Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Who died my cat blue again?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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