My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize