Can i not drive my cunt home
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
