I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
