Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
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