Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
