So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
