i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
