Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
