i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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