I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
