Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
either way he was missing a nipple.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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