Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
