I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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