So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
