So drunk, too bad you don't want this
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
