I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
