OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
