Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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