Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize