could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
