The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
