So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
