Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize