Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
