this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
