Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
