I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
