our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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