he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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