it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
