I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
