I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
