The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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