My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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