Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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