he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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