is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
