Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
