Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
