You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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