Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He better not be in your backpack
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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