I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I have fence marks all over my body
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
