I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
