There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
