if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
