respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
As shirtless as possible
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
