I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
