Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
