You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
