Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
