it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
