Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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