Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
