I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
