Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
