Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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