Jerry, you need to find god
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
