I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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