Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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