Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize