I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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