I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My vagina is officially offended.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
