so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize