so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
