just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
