Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
