Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
